Ministering to the "new" Norm

In 1986 my family was in a minority group - my mom found herself with two small children, living in a world made for 2-parent homes. At the time we were "different," I grew up in a world where nearly everyone had a dad and a mom at home - in fact, I only remember 2 other families who were also in our situation. Today though, my situation, my background has become the norm in America. So, how to we minister to this new "norm"? Here's a couple things that I've learned over the years from first-hand experience...

1. Remember that Father/Son and Mother/Daughter events are difficult when there's only a mom or a dad in the home - be flexible and provide opportunities where a Father can attend with a son or a daughter or where a Mother can attend with a son or a daughter.

2. Be conscious of their situation - word questions and conversation carefully - showing that you are aware of their situation, thus showing the child you know them, but not focusing on their situation - build a relationship with them and be consistent - children may struggle to trust adults because they have experienced a parent leaving the home.

3. View your ministry as weekend to weekend. While keeping attendance is a part of ministry - don't use it as a reward or a point system - children who spend every other weekend with another parent will always be at a disadvantage and may not feel part of the program. When activities build upon one another or stretch across a couple weeks a child who can only be there a couple weekends a month is immediately disconnected from your ministry.

Ultimately, encourage, encourage, encourage - often the stresses at home cause kids in this situation to grow up well before their time - they take on added responsibilities and worry about things that children should never need to even think about. Don't judge, let them be kids - allow them to find a few minutes of respite while in your care, just as their dad or mom is doing in the adult service!

Want to read more about ministering to children in these and similar situations? Check out... When Families Fall Apart by Linda Sibley.