Balance

I won't say I'm sad to see 2011 go.  It was a year of transition, of change, of heartache and heartbreak.  In the end, I've grown a ton. 

God used each situation that 2011 brought to teach me, to grow me, and to make me stronger in who I am in HIM.  To sum it up, it was a needed year.  A year of needed growth, understanding, and an increased ability to see people and life as He sees it - not how I want to see it.

But here we are, turning over a new page.  Its a time to start over, to start fresh.  Heading into 2012 I know it will be a year of transition as well ... I mean, what year isn't?!?!  Nothing ever stays the same, even though we may try our best to never change - its a part of life.

I read this blog entry the other night.  I've heard of OneWord before, but never felt truly inspired to choose a word - although looking back I could pin a word on most years.

As I enter 2012, I've decided to choose a word.  The word that He has brought to me over and over throughout the past year is balance.  Finding balance in Him, in work, in home, in play ... balance in all aspects of life. 

I've spent the past several months in the thick of transition and things have shifted towards work, but this season of transition is coming to a close, which makes the beginning of 2012 the perfect time to begin focusing on balance. 

There is a good year ahead and He has good things in store, but I don't want to miss those things by having my focus in the wrong places. 

Happy 2012!  What's your word for the year?

To Heal - Christmas 2011

Tonight I sat in service, yes its the 23rd ... but tomorrow is going to be PACKED so, I caught service tonight so I can focus on the hundreds of kids and families that will come through the doors tomorrow.

I was partially distracted.  Not because I had volunteers and kids in the wing on the opposite side of the building, but distracted by this past year, by the hurts, the transitions, the craziness and reality that things today aren't the way I pictured them a year ago.

Last Christmas was HARD ... as in funeral hard on December 23rd.  Compared to last year, today looks a lot different, although I won't say its all better.

You see, there's a reality that Christmas IS about Christ, but its also that yearly reminder that life isn't how we think it should be or the way it should look - our plans aren't our own, they are His. 

So tonight, admist my distraction and wandering mind I saw four words on a massive screen...

He came...

...to HEAL

Yes, Jesus came not only to love, to save, to reconcile, but He came to heal, and not just physically heal, but emotionally, relationally, and any other way that we need healing - if only we seek Him.

It was in that moment that I realized that I've spent this past year thinking that my problems are too small, too silly for God.  That He doesn't care about my family - that its just the way it is.  So, as I move forward into 2012 I am reminded that Christ cares about every detail of our life.  And that no problem is too small, or too complicated, or anything else - because of an infant and a stable and a starry night thousands of years ago - He came to heal.

As you celebrate this Christmas Season remember that for many this season brings about a lot of grief and a reminder that life isn't the way they pictured it.  Their family isn't what they dreamed of.  They're missing loved ones who are no longer here.  They have  broken relationships.  Whatever it may be - He came to heal. To heal not only the physical, but the emotional, the relational, the very details of our life that sometimes seem like a bother to God - HE CAME TO HEAL.

Tomorrow

There is an image that keeps replaying in my mind.  An image of one of our volunteers in our ministry at the services for one of the kids in our ministry who passed away. 

That was 12 days ago.

Tomorrow, we'll gather once again, but this time we'll be saying goodbye to one of our volunteers, and the son of the volunteer who attended the services, 12 days ago.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the death of a child and now the death of a volunteer.

Had you told me two weeks ago that we would be gathering for a funeral exactly two weeks later I would have never believed you.  But I do know that God's plan is greater, stronger, and bigger than the things that we can understand.

We don't know what tomorrow holds, that has been so evident this past year as we have walked through tragedy after tragedy ... tomorrow isn't guaranteed.  So live ... life fully as God intended you to ... chase dreams and just live!

10 Years (Part 1)

Tomorrow is a big day, but today I've been reflecting on how big of a day today is.  Ten years ago today was the last day we took our safety for granted, it was the day before the word "terrorism" entered our lives, it was a day when we believed we were invincible. 

Ultimately, it is a symbol of how quickly life changes.

Ten years ago today, Osama Bin Laden was only a person who sent us video messages and terrorism was something that happened in other countries.  We walked freely through airports and didn't worry about the person next to us. 

It was a Monday, a normal Monday ... I went off to high school and had band practice afterward.  Seven classes and homework.  We went to bed that night in a world that seemed safe, because we were Americans.

On September 10th, 2001 we had a sense of security ... we were living a fake life, naive of the things of the world.  Tomorrow is the day the innocence of a generation was taken, lives were taken, and the world changed.

Well Done

This week has been tough.  Wednesday evening, Jake went home to be with Jesus.

I'll never forget hearing his mother say during his final hours ... "Jesus is going to say, well done my good and faithful servant" ... it was a powerful moment and so true of the person Jake was during the past seven years.  Jake has ministered to thousands through his dream of giving Pillow Pets to sick children.  He didn't let his age stop him and became a spokesperson for sick children.

Over the last several months there have been so many amazing and painful moments. But, as things came to a close this past week  I've reflected on the things I've learned this past year and the ways the Jake has impacted my life.

Ultimately, Jake and his family has taught me to live life ... to go to the store and get ice cream just because, to take a vacation even when you don't have the time or money, to go home and spend time with family, to be with friends even when you don't have the time, to do the things you enjoy ... to simply live life and not let the limitations of money, time, people, etc stop you!

Jake ... I'll miss you, I'll miss your heart and the way you genuinely loved people and animals, I'll miss you hanging out with me in the hallway during the 11a service when you didn't feel like being in your class, but still wanted to be at church, I'll miss your stories about frogs and bugs and your love for life.  You are an amazing kid!

Hug your kids tonight!

Influence

"the stage just blew over" ... those were the words I read on Facebook almost a week ago as the Indiana State Fair Stage collapsed just prior to a strong thunderstorm. 

While I had many friends at the concert that night, I myself was out of town ... knowing I would have been there, maybe not in the grandstand, but just outside listening just like last year had I been in town. 

As I walked the streets of Gatlinburg, Tennessee ... I quickly saw the power of social media.  Word spread quickly, I knew my friends were okay and stories of pure heroism emerged quickly through tweets, photos, and posts.

There was no waiting for the "breaking news" anymore ... my friends were reporting the event there in my newsfeed. 

As I returned home a few days after the event I began to talk to friends about the stage collapse and quickly gathered that some of them didn't have the same opinions I shared on the event.  As we talked I began to learn that their opinions were coming from their friend's posts on Facebook and Twitter.  I began to think about how we allow others to influence us ... both good and bad. 

We are no longer influenced by the crowd we run around with, but instead by the crowd that is constantly in our newsfeed each time we log on ...

so who are you allowing to influence you?  Is it a Christ-like influence?  Who are you influencing?

Silence

It is in the silence where I find myself truly connecting with God.  Our everyday lives are busy ... I mean BUSY, but I have been challenged this week to find times where I can be silent, alone, and reconnect with God.  It is something I need to do.

This morning I read this verse in 1 Peter 4:7 ... "The end of all things is near. So keep a clear mind. Control yourselves. Then you can pray"

The words "keep a clear mind" weighed heavy on my heart as I realized that the busyness of life clutters my mind and my heart - it keeps me from connecting with my Creator. 

I've spent the past few days in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee and North Carolina.  There have been moments of quiet, but people always seem to be around.  Then yesterday, I got on my bike ... no radio, no talking, no noise ... and I rode part of the Cade's Cove Loop (truth be told I think I could have done all 11 miles, but that's for another day).  There was no noise, but me, the wind, and the bugs and it was in the moment when I was challenged that in order for me to truly connect with God in the deep way I long for I must get away from everything.  I must plan times to go into the open country and just be alone.

Time

A few nights ago I found myself sitting with a friend, holding her newborn daughter, talking about the tests and appointments that are ahead due to a syndrome she has.  It was late and as we talked the baby's grandma said "I remember getting those pj's for her, it was so hard finding something "gender neutral", but I wanted to get the baby something for Christmas" ... as she finished my friend said ... "wow, Christmas, we had no idea we'd be finding out the baby was a girl two weeks later ... and eight weeks earlier than we had expected".


As those words rang in my ears, I thought back over the past year and how so many who are close to me are in completely different places than they expected to be just a year ago.  Facing challenges and joys they only read about in other peoples stories.

This past week I watched as another friend watched her three children chase lightening bugs in the church parking lot.  As I walked to my car I stopped to watch, knowing that this time next year (without a miracle) she'd only be watching two kids chase lightening bugs.  Yet, a year ago the word cancer had never crossed their lips.

None of us know what lies ahead, we can only live in the present, which is why I feel more strongly than ever that we must live as God intended us to live - joyfully with hearts and minds that long for HIM and hands and feet that do HIS work.

There's been a lot on my heart and mind lately.  While life's been busy, there's been some tough lessons, some beautiful insights, and some amazing intersections throughout the last several months.

I challenge you to live for today, to seek after Christ, and to LOVE as He loves ... you never know what lies ahead.

"...be filled WITH LOVE that comes from a PURE HEART, a CLEAR CONSCIENCE, and SINCERE FAITH."  1 Timothy 1:5

Good Friday

I think its only been in the past couple years that I've truly begun to grasp the meaning of Good Friday.  Growing up we didn't go to church, we celebrated Easter and talked about Jesus a little and family and easter baskets a whole bunch.  To me, Easter meant my dad came to get us for a few hours ... it was just another holiday.

But in the past couple years I've come to realize that there is no Easter without Good Friday.  Today is the reason that we can celebrate on Sunday, because without today there is no Sunday.

Tonight I attended a Good Friday service at a local church, it is something that I have chosen to make a priority in my life during this time of year.  Working in the local church, Easter Sunday is a busy time.  It is a time when we celebrate publicly - making sure rooms are staffed, children are safe, and those attending the services have the best experience possible.  But on Good Friday, it is a time when I can personally reflect on the events of this season and the sacrifice that Jesus made for each of us.

Music Monday

This is "Tunnel" by Third Day ... it is a song they sang last week while we were at Riley.  What I loved about the 2 songs they sang ... in addition to the Third Day Classic "Old McDonald"... was that they really thought through their song selection and sang two songs that that were so appropriate to the feelings of the families there in that lobby.  This is one of the two they sang.

Spring Forward

Tonight is the night where we get a little less sleep ... don't forget to turn your clock forward!

Speechless

Now that I've begun writing this for the third time I'm going to be honest ... I'm speechless and in complete awe of a Maker who knows every detail of every situation.  The past four months haven't been easy.  We've been walking the road of Childhood Cancer with two kiddos in our ministry ... two kiddos who were diagnosed the same week and two families who in a moment their lives were changed forever.

Throughout this journey there have been moments that seemed hopeless, but in those moments we've seen God move in mighty ways.

One of the things that has happened over the past month has been a simple Pillow Pet Collection.  It began with a 7-year olds dream to give 1,000 other kids at Riley a Pillow Pet ... the same toy that he himself loves to play with and then snuggle during his own treatments.  As I put together the flier to promote to our families that we would be collecting the Pillow Pets I remember thinking "I hope we can help him get to 1,000" ... "wonder if anyone will bring these in" ... "when we collected Build-A-Bears for a local children's shelter we got 75 ... hopefully we'll get at least that many".

I shouldn't have put God in such a small box.

It wasn't long after that day that I was being pulled from our Children's Staff Meeting to speak with a rep from KLOVE (headquartered here in Indy) - as I sat there with another co-worker she explained to me how they had heard about the little boy and the collection, called Applebee's and wanted to know if we would be okay with them helping!


Sure ... why not - it sounded great ... a radio ad here in Indy and then the day after the concert they would talk about Jake and the Pillow Pets and share his story nation-wide on the morning show.

The following Monday I had a txt from my brother in Columbus, Ohio telling me he heard about the little boy from the church ... that was the moment I knew God was going to do much more through this little boy and some Pillow Pets than we had ever imagined.

See what God does in tomorrow's post!

Music Monday

Powerful words to this song ... don't just sit and let others serve ... jump in and get involved!

Jake Update

So, you might have seen this post a few weeks ago ... "Jake" ... well, what began as a small, simple way to help a few kids here in Indy seems to be inspiring a nation.  Over the past few days I've been blown away by the people who I've heard from all around the United States!  People starting their own collections for their local children's hospitals, shipping Pillow Pets for distribution, and just being inspired to love others.  It is a story that ONLY God could have ever created or imagined!

Today Jake was featured on local TV here ... http://www.theindychannel.com/news/27052979/detail.html

And on the Pillow Pets Blog here ... http://mypillowpetsblog.com/please-help-our-friend-jake/

And on KLOVE here ... http://www.klove.com/events/detail.aspx?i=148865

Like I said ... only a story God could create.  I don't know why God chose Jake to tell HIS story, but He has and the past few months a simple little boy from a small town has changed my life and reminded me what's truly important.

Day 1 - Me & 15 Facts

1. I'm a BUCKEYE that fell off the tree on the wrong side of the stateline, which apparently makes me a hoosier, but I still consider myself a Buckeye

2.  I work in the local church with 0-5 year olds - my job involves 400-500 kiddos each weekend and nearly 400 volunteers rotating through 3 service schedules each month

3.  I have a teaching license in the Buckeye State, but went straight into ministry after college

4.  My Early Childhood / Preschool Special Education degree is from Cedarville University

5.  I've never broken a bone BUT have torn a retina and a few other things resulting in a severe knee injury

6. Bayley is my English Bulldog ... she's pretty cool ... and stubborn!

7. I am terrified of heights ... and bungee cords

8. I've played softball since I was 4, never missed a season (even through MANY years of severe knee problems/surgeries) ... thats about 22 years of playing ball!

9. I turn to Diet Coke when I'm stressed ... and McDonald's Diet Coke if I'm REALLY stressed :-)

10.  I want to live my life in a way that brings others to Christ's love - that they know His love and experience it

11. Well, this is my FAVORITE number ... the number I've worn nearly EVERY softball season, including 4 varsity seasons!  It's Barry Larkin's number too :-)

12.  I LOVE the color blue ... and photography

13.  I've been on a Special Wish Trip as a caregiver and met President Bush (the second one, during his first term)

14.  I have some of the best friends and family anyone could ask for

15. I'm frugal - always looking for a good deal :-)

Learning to Love Again

Somewhere along my years in college - helping hurt.  And I mean HURT. 

In the name of "serving, loving, helping" - something like that it hurt.  I was taken advantage of and it left the last two years of college simply miserable. 

I won't go into all the details, but ultimately, it left me with a guarded heart.  A heart that wanted to "check you out" before I helped, before I loved, sometimes even before I cared.

Over the years I've known that this isn't God's desire for our lives. 

He doesn't desire for us to be hurt - ultimately, though - because of sin - sometimes we are.

He does desire for us to love, to serve, to reflect Him in our actions. 

Ultimately, through this situation I've learned that you have to love, even when you've been hurt - its hard - but we are called to love others.  It's important to be careful and not to allow others to take advantage of you, to set boundaries and stick to them, even when it seems nearly impossible - but its important to not miss out on the love God has for us through serving others.

So, today on this Valentine's Day, I'm reflecting with a little less guarded heart, a heart that is healing from a massive hurt, and a desire to spend the next year continuing to love others.

Favorite Super Bowl Commercial

This was probably one of the more creative Super Bowl Commercials that has been produced in the past few years!   I am sure there are little boys all over america running around in Darth Vader suits today using "the force"!

I'm sure this little guy I took trick-or-treating this past fall has already tried "the force" out today!

Jake

This is my buddy Jake. 

Last June, God began to cross my path and his mom's path through a simple conversation about his younger brother.  In July, God crossed another path with another coworker at church.  By October I was standing in our children's ministry hallway looking into the eyes of parents who had been dealt an unimaginable blow.  Jake has cancer.  Without a miracle, Jake's time here on earth will be short.

Through the pain has come perspective.  A perspective on life that I began to peer into four years ago when I found myself holding a four year old in his mother's hospital room as she slipped into the arms of Jesus - it was a time when I began to truly grasp the effects of cancer and the reality that we aren't guaranteed eighty years.  In fact, we aren't guaranteed the next eighty seconds.

Sometimes, I find myself thinking "Jake probably won't experience next year's Christmas, next year's super bowl, etc", but do any of us really know if we'll experience tomorrow?

As I've spent time with Jake and his mom and dad and siblings over the past several months I've not only walked along with them through their journey, but also seen the reality and effects of cancer on many families and many children at Riley.  The 5th floor is the cancer floor - it is a floor that you hope you never have to press the elevator button to ... and when you do, everyone looks at you with a sadness, knowing that you are somehow connected to a child with cancer.

Yet, through the ashes is beauty.  Jake has a heart that is impacting others and helping other children at Riley.  Even as he undergoes his own cancer treatments, he spends a little extra time at Riley handing out Pillow Pets to kids in the hospital, undergoing the same treatments he is.  Not thinking about his own situation, but instead loving and helping others - knowing first hand how each of these children are feeling.

This past weekend on the Northview Blog there was an incredible article posted about Jake and his servant's heart.  He and Northview will be collecting Pillow Pets over the next two months for the kids at Riley - the goal is 1,000 of the plush pillows - so far he has nearly 200! 

As Jake walks this road pray for him, pray for healing, for understanding, and for comfort.  Pray that he has the strength to visit family in Florida in a few months and that others are impacted by his story.

You can read Jake's article here: Jake's Compassion

And if you would like to help, Pillow Pets can be dropped off at Northview.  There is also a fund at 5th/3rd Bank for donations - "Jacob McConahay" is the account name.

Jake's Caringbridge (follow Jake's story here!)

The Beach

The beach, to me it is one of the last places on earth where you can truly sit and soak in God's creation, without the interruption of man-made things.  Looking straight out from the sand there is nothing but God, no skyscrapers, roads, or anything else to affect the view.  There are few places like this left in the world - the mountains are another place, but there is something about the majesty of the ocean that is overwhelming.

In July of 2002 I remember sitting in complete darkness on a beach in South Africa listening to the waves roll in.  It was a  night that I will never forget.  It was the night that the God I worship here in America became real to me.  He became the same God that was there with me half a world away.  I was listening to waves crash on the other side of the world, just like on my side of the world.  And the stars, well those were incredible and only added to the moment ... but this post is truly about the beach :-)

Tonight I came to Job 38:8-11

"Who kept the sea inside its boundaries as it burst from the womb, and as I clothed it with clouds and wrapped it in thick darkness?  For I locked it behind barred gates, limiting its shores.  I said, 'This far and no father will you come.  Here your proud waves must stop!

The sea is an incredibly majestic place.  Each time I walk along the sand and listen to the waves I am reminded of God's intricate details - the grains of sand and the shoreline - how He decided just how far the ocean would come and where the shore would begin.'

Recap

As we say goodbye to 2010 tonight, I look back on the year and realize it can be summed up in a few words ... "Getting back on your feet" ... again and again and again.  A year ago I knew I needed to hang on tight and get ready for the ride, but I don't think I realized quite what was ahead!

As 2009 closed my job changed at work, well not quite a complete change - more like an increase, promotion, etc ... its best said by the fact that I took on more responsibilities at work.  While it was a good thing, it knocked my "rhythm" completely out of whack and I spent the first few months of 2010 trying to re-find that rhythm.  It wouldn't be easy though as we moved into a new building, hosted 2 grand opening services, and had a large volunteer event during Easter Weekend.  And suddenly the first few months became the first half of the year re-finding that rhythm I desperately longed for.

Summer came and went quickly this year.  It was hot!  I got a dog ... seriously a dog that I might have asked God to provide a few times over the years.  She's an English Bullie - the only type of dog I've ever wanted, but also one of my most expensive types of dogs you can ever own.   She was given to me after her old family had to relocate.  Not only is she an answer to prayer, she has been the best thing about this past year!  But, once again I found myself refinding a routine at home now that there was a dog to take out, run home at lunch for and spend time playing with.

June brought a move to a brand new apartment, which turned out to be cool looking, but has its own set of issues.  12 more months and I will be re-looking at where I'm living - its been a little ridiculous!

By the time school started, I finally felt like things were coming together, I was finding a routine, and life seemed to be calming down. 

I had no idea that the upcoming holiday season would be one of the worst ever.  I've found myself in a lot of hospitals lately, and not just hospitals - cancer units at the children's hospital.  It is a sobering sight as you watch children fighting for their lives and parents worn down, yet hoping that the next treatment will be the one.  We have two families there now with children fighting for their lives - it is a reminder daily to pray and not just for those you know, but for all the families affected.  Then, my grandpa (basically the "dad" figure in my life) fell ill just before Thanksgiving this past year - from nearly perfect health to a very frail state in just a matter of weeks.  Just before Christmas things looked like they were finally headed in the right direction as he was moved to a rehab center to prepare for him to go home - we had no idea it would be his Heavenly Homegoing.  It was just days later that he began to lose consciousness.  A week later we were saying goodbye, four days before Christmas.  I still can't believe it.  Services were on the 23rd and then we proceeded to get through the holidays - numb.

The past year has been nothing short of a roller coaster - with extreme highs and extreme lows.  It is a year that will stick in my mind for many reasons, but as this year passes I am left with a numb feeling, yet hopeful for what lays ahead.  There will no doubt be moments in 2011 that will be hard as well, but it is a new year and a new beginning and God is there just as He always has been.  He's gone before us into this new year and already knows what lies ahead and I'm trusting in Him to lean on, to be loved by, and to know that He already knows the year ahead.